HOW TO SAY "NO" using assertive communication strategies:
Take your time. Give yourself a second or even a day before responding. "I'll get back to you this afternoon after I speak with my wife" or "I'll think about this and let you know tomorrow morning." This will take emotion out of the equation. You will demonstrate respect for yourself by considering your time and respect for the other person by letting them know when they will get an answer.
Plan your words. Be honest and clear. You may not owe an explanation and it can simply be a "no, thank you". However, if your boss is asking you to take on a new project, you might explain, "I do not have the capacity to do another project at this time as it will take away from the quality and output performance of the current projects I am on".
Confident Body Posture. Hold your head high. Put your shoulders back. Keep an open stance. Make eye contact. Show confidence.
Watch your tone. Keep your tone of voice even and steady.
Stay Polite. Feel free to say "thank you" or "please". ex. "thank you for the invitation". or "Please consider me in the future".
Help look for solutions. If you are in a situation where it is possible, help provide alternate solutions. "I cannot help you at this time but I can help you next Saturday at 3:00." "Thank you for considering me. I cannot do it but Susie was looking for similar opportunities."
Assertive communication is a balanced form of communication that produces the best results for everyone. It allows an individual to have their own boundaries while respecting the rights/boundaries of others. It also allows for others to be heard and for compromises to be made with a win-win mentality. Speaking your mind doesn't always make you "truthful and honest". It can make you aggressive and intimidating. Be careful in justifying your actions as assertive when your nonverbal communication was not in check. On the other hand, always being flexible and easy-going isn't always in your best interest and can backfire once you lose boundaries and are taken advantage of. Balance is key.
Go practice some assertive skills and drop some "no's"!!
Have a little MOXIE today!