One of the cognitive distortions is Jumping to Conclusions. There are two parts to this: Mind Reading and Fortune Telling. This post will focus on Mind Reading with a follow-up on Fortune Telling next week.
As a recap, a #cognitivedistortion is a thought that is irrational and inaccurate that reinforces negative thinking or emotions. The theory is that based on a event, a thought occurs, which produces an emotion, which produces a reaction. If the #automaticthought is negative, the reaction usually ends up negative.
Mind Reading: When mind reading, we jump to conclusions of what others are thinking based on insecurities, worries, fears, assumptions, and confusion. There is no way of knowing the thoughts or intentions of others unless that tell you. Even then, their thoughts not might match their words.
When we assume others are thinking negatively of us, we begin to feel negative emotions.
This CAN work in the opposite way, assuming others think we are brilliant or charming. This may lead to irrational arrogance.
In my last post on cognitive distortions, I discussed steps to challenging negative thought patterns.
Here is a recap:
1. Identify the distortion I love the acronym THINK. Is the statement Truthful, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, or Kind?
2. Is the statement based on fact or opinion? How valuable is the opinion?
3. Be a friend to yourself. We are very hard on ourselves. If we heard a friend say these thoughts out loud, we would correct them. What would you say to a friend? Use that compassion and rational thinking toward yourself.
4. Rate the importance Make a scale of 0-100. Give the statement a value of importance. Or if the expectation isn't met, scale how large of a problem that would be.
5. Survey Method. Check in with others. Sometimes when we get stuck in our automatic negative thoughts, we don't realize that others do not think this way because it is not truthful or helpful. Ask a trusted friend how they think about the topic you are struggling with.
6. Semantic Method. Sometimes things are simply a matter of semantics.
7. Cost/Benefit Analysis If you are really stuck, you can analyze the pros and cons to thinking this way. Use a cost/benefit worksheet to create a list of how the thought benefits you verse how it hurts.
8. Reframe: The more you tell yourself or hear something, the more you believe it. Create a positive reframe and repeat it to yourself. Make this new thought automatic.
Let's look at an examples:
Event: My Child Tantrums at Target
Thought: Everyone is looking and thinks I am a terrible mother and should control my child.
What types of feels and reactions could this thought produce??
Possibly panic, worry, anger, guilt.
How might one react based on these feelings?
Possibly #panic and give in to their child by buying them an overpriced, plastic toy.
Possibly #ruminate over the situation on the drive home, into the night, losing sleep.
Possibly glare at everyone around you for being so judgmental.
Let's go through the steps to challenge cognitive distortions:
1. Identify the distortion: Use the THINK acronym to determine this thought is not based on truth, is not helpful in this situation, does not inspire, is not necessary, and is not kind to yourself.
2. Is the thought based on fact or opinion? There is no way of knowing what others are thinking. Unless a fellow shopper yelled "you are a terrible mother and should control your child.", you are basing this on your own insecurities and fear.
3. Be a friend to yourself. A friend would most likely redirect you. Tell you how your kids behaviors are age-typical. How awesome you are for being firm in the boundaries you set. How other people's opinions don't matter.
4. Scale it. On a scale of 1-100, how important in Shirley's opinion to you?
5. Survey Method How do your other friends think in these situations? Which friend has the most helpful thinking?
6. Semantic Method. Change everyone to two people. Change terrible to typical. Change should to 'like". Two people looked and think I am a typical mother and would like me to control my child. Still doesn't feel great but this is more accurate. But don't won't worry Shirley, I have got his.
7. Cost/Benefit Analysis How does thinking like this serve you? How does it hurt you?
8. Reframe. A couple people noticed the noise, and naturally looked over. They are most likely thinking of their onw bill they just racked up. I set a boundary with my child and they had an age-typical reaction. I am going to purchase this needed milk, exit the store, and continue parenting my child.